a funny little story

Stuck in Traffic

By Seth Lesondak

Da5id didn’t particularly like the “Cleveland creative writing class.” His teacher, Mr. Eduardo, always lectured them in a strong Latino accent that none of the white kids could understand. Today was no exception. All Da5id caught of Mr. Eduardo’s lecture was: “Por escrito neccesito bueno punctuation. malo punctuation makes for malo escrito!” before he started to drift off, staring at, but not seeing, the obscene carvings in his desk.

          An hour later, thirty-two exhausted students formed a queue at the door.

          “Excelente work my students. You were all muy bueno chicos today. Hurry along to your next classe now and see you mañana!” said Mr. Eduardo. He stepped over an extension cord and flung open the door. A kid named Derek ran blindly out of it. Everybody else screamed. Derek had smashed into a car and died. There were not supposed to be cars in school, or trees, or roads for that matter. He quickly vanished from sight.

          “Dude,” shouted Da5id, “why the crap are we on a highway!?”

          “Yo no sey,” replied Mr. Eduardo, “But I think we can figure it out if we pay attention to the details!”

          “Dude, shut up,” responded Da5id.

          “No, De Verdad! Primera, we can assume that we are in some kind of vehículo, because we are moving, no? Segunda, we can assume that some idiot with muy poco brains pick up our mobile clase and put it on his vehículo, no? Which means we were all cleverly kidnapped by a burro, no?”

          “Oh,” said a nonplussed Da5id, “So now what we do?”

          “We must try to get free of course. The question is not que but como!”

          “Howsabout we’ all rock this classroom so it darn fall off the back of this heres truck,” said some kid named Steve Stevie Stephen Stevenson or SSSS. “Whatsabout y’all say to that thar idear huh?”

          “That is bueno idea SSSS! Let’s start rocking. Correr a la izquierda!” shouted Mr. Eduardo and everybody ran to the left. “And now to the dereche!” and everybody ran to the right. And on it went, left to right, right to left. After about fifteen minutes, the plan finally worked. Everybody toppled over off of the moving vehicle along with tons and tons of books, paper, pencils, pens and other random classroom crap.